The woman had to change her phone password after she caught her spouse snooping while she was in the shower. But now she’s feeling guilty about it as it looks “sketchy”
The woman was forced to change her phone password(Image: Getty Images)
Relationships can be really tough.
Occasionally, you might find yourself venting about your other half to family and friends, but it doesn’t mean you love them any less. But now one woman has found herself in quite the pickle with her husband.
When her spouse found an intimate chat with her relative, the wife has now found herself changing the password on her device. It all happened when she was taking a shower.
She shared how she was venting to a family member about something her husband’s family had done which frustrated her. She penned: “My husband looked through my phone, saw me vent my frustrations, and then asked if I thought he and his family were a joke.”
Taking to Mumsnet, the woman explained she told her husband that his family was not a joke to her; however, she “was frustrated with them,” as they kept telling her husband “untrue” things about her – and she couldn’t vent to him, because it’s about his family.
She continued: “He read my vent, got upset at me for venting […] and afterwards, I changed my password because I thought if he’s going to get upset about me venting my frustrations to a trusted individual and family member, but doesn’t want me to vent them to a friend or even my therapist, but also doesn’t actually listen/understand when I try to broach the topic with him, I can’t just hold it in.”
She then asked if she was being unreasonable for changing her phone password in this way, saying she didn’t want it to look “sketchy”. But she wanted some validation on the subject she was venting about – and for someone to understand where she was coming from.
“I just wanted to be able to vent my frustrations to someone with a listening ear who actually understands why I’m truly frustrated in the first place, without making me sound like I’m crazy,” she wrote at the end of the post.
In the comments, people were shocked at her husband’s behaviour. One woman wrote: “Why is he looking through your phone? My husband has never looked at my messages, and I’ve never looked at his. In my opinion, changing your password is your prerogative, but no, I don’t think your husband will like it.”
Another fumed: “Why on Earth can he access your phone in the first place??? You need standards and boundaries. He’s not your master.”
“You’re not being unreasonable,” somebody assured her, saying: “I wouldn’t let my husband look through my phone. I have nothing to hide, but it’s mine and private. Marriage doesn’t mean you give up your right to privacy.”
Speaking to the Independent, BACP-accredited sex, relationship, and trauma therapist Cate Campbell says: “Checking [your partner’s phone] can be a toxic form of control. The relationship is unlikely to be healthy if this is the only way someone can feel secure, and just because a partner has agreed to [you] checking doesn’t mean they’re really comfortable with it.
“People sometimes agree to phone checking because a request to do so takes them by surprise, or even because they’re afraid of the other’s reaction if they refuse – how can that ever be OK?”
If you, a family member or a friend are in a controlling relationship, you can contact the Live Fear Free Helpline for 24-hour free advice and support via live web chat or by calling 0808 8010 800. If you are in an emergency, dial 999.